& why does this feel like it's happened before?

so lately i've been feeling like a complete failure in life. i can't help the feeling; every single time i do something i get a weird ass look, or a smirk, or i'm scoffed at. ppl on this earth never cease to NOT live up to my expectations. i got into an argument with my cousin today; i apologized to him and we settled everything, but for some reason i feel guilty beyond all measure. i don't even know.. man, sucks to the way my life is going right now. i don't even know what to say about it, but whatever. i feel like i'm incapable of doing anything at all. every time i try to sit down and write poetry, my mind is way too crowded with extra thoughts. my singing voice is being affected too. i wanna just go to a dark place, and sit by myself for a little while. just me, the dark, some quiet and an ipod filled up with random slow songs. i think that is the two day vacation i really need; a day away from the world. and it would be really complete with fridge full of snacks. (sigh) this is something else, i swear it is. i'm just not happy; maybe i'm making myself this way. i don't know. well, that's it. i'm wordless, and i'm getting tired. plus my head hurts, so i'm going to end this saying: i want this camera. just retro enough for cheikh's taste..