life isn't fair .. but it's worth it?

so i haven't been on here in almost two months, and i'm feeling guilty. why? because i've left you (my loyal readers) hanging. so this will probably be a little long, but i think it'll be worth it; in the time that i haven't been on here, a lot has gone on. so here we go..

well first off, i'm officially moving out of lancaster and the antelope valley. i can't say that i'm 100-percent sure moving to los angeles, but it's a really big chance i am. my dad was also talking about pasadena, and although that'd be really cool, it's unlikely. so as of right now, we're looking for a house. my dad's also saying hawthorne because it's clean and nice out there, but again nothing's final. i'm not really worried, and i'm kinda looking forward to moving. so i'll update on that later, when i know for sure where i'm moving to..

next, i've been getting PAID beyotch!! lmao, but seriously. and la has been kinda entertaining.. i went to venice beach for the first time -- yeah i know, i'm the biggest wiener in the world. haha, but i liked it! although, it was A LOT of weird ppl there.. like this super buff guy in nothing but a american flag g-string, and these ppl dancing to tribal music.. and oh! there was a freak show, and ppl jerking (ugh) and a lot of asian ppl, and caucasian ppl, and not that many black ppl, and A LOT of latinos. but i liked it; a lot of different cultures and things to explore. and this one guy inspired me; he was walking around with a gimungous ass boom box playing the thriller cd. it was AWSUM!! and we had some really really delicious burgers and fries.. and raspberry iced tea, lol. but overall, my venice beach experience was great.

third, i almost whooped my cousin's ass. man, you don't even know.. but it's the argument the pissed me off; it was over some damn head phones! i wanted to use his head phones so i could listen to music while i doze off.. and he told me he was gonna use them. so i said just lemme use them until you need em, and he said no. so i pushed it off and said whatever.. then he went to sleep. so i'm pissed off, because he lied to my face, and i went to get the headphones. he gets up and starts having a major

Bitch Fit

and we got into it. he put his hands on me, and i kinda shoved him (natural instinct). then we were just going at it, arguing and ish. and my biggg cousin had to stop us. he was really trying to fight! but i refused, because 1) that's my cousin, and i'm not going to fight fam; hellllaaaa disrespectful and 2) we were in my uncle's house, and i'm not going to disrespect the place where he lives. so it was a DUMB ASS situation, which should've never happened. but ignorance provoked it, so it did. then this morning, he fought my little cousin. like wtf? do you have that much angst and testosterone that you need to fight somebody to get rid of it? geez if that's the case, go masturbate or something.. but whatever. he left, and i'm glad i don't have that negativity around me. but i'm getting pushed to edge, and if he disrespects me one more time i don't think i'll hesitate to whoop his ass a SECOND TIME. because i already did before, and apparently it didn't teach him anything..

but anyway, that's been the past two weeks in a nutshell. not much has happened, but enough has for me to write about it. i'm still mad my idol passed away, but we've all gotta go some day. it's just like he seemed like the type of person who doesn't die, like he's immortal or something. and in a way he's still here, vicariously living through his music. but i'll miss him, he truly was bad...

i'll update later periodically today tho, just to entertain you guys. i've got some funny stuff, so i'll be back.. bye for now!

demorol , demorol .. damn mike ..

one of my most favorite ppl in this world.. is gone. fuck, this isn't even fair. i didn't even know him, and i wanna cry right now. i've listened to him ever since i jumped outta the womb, and never succumbed to what ppl thought of him. i'll admit i told a cruel joke or two, but that was outta pure immaturity of truly understanding him. damn it dude, this dude is one of my biggest idols. next to prince, and whitney houston, and m. jordan, and my mom, and my great grandmammy. sheesh, i feel horrible. listen to this song though; a lot of ppl are categorizing it as a cry for help. i don't know, but this sucks. A LOT... and the biggest thing that won't get outta my head, even more than his death, is whether he made it to that big 'ol stage in the sky. i just don't know; like i said i never knew him personally, so i can't say.. but i really hope he did. so he can sing for my mom :)

i remember...

a friend of mine said that there's a big happy concert going on in heaven. well michael, don't forget to sign a t shirt for me when i get up there. i love ya, even tho i didn't know ya...

Michael Jackson

Born: August 29, 1958 in Gary, Indiana
Died: June 25, 2009 in Los Angeles, California

Deity: divine character or nature, esp. that of the Supreme Being; divinity.


We'll miss ya, but your CD's will forever be in my collection. And your MP3 copies in my iPod. Bye..

too legit , too legit to quit ..

maaaaannnn, my life has changed S I G N I F I C A N T L Y. words can't even describe how things went from mediocre, to bad, to fucking terrible, then to absolutely delicious. lmao, but they did turn around.. a lot! i was surprised... i'm moving to los angeles, i'm having fun and everything is just better than it was before. god truly has turned it around, and i thank him :D jeepers..

entyway, i'm pretty bored at the moment and i have a headache. i knooooowwww it's from being on this damn computer too long, but i'm not getting off! i've been up since effing seven-thirty, looking at this new phone i want. like i said on the side, i'm a freaking GADGET NERD! i'm in love with everything about cell phones, computers, cameras, tv's, lmaooo everything. so i went to one of my regular tech sites today and saw this



and i almost friggin' jizzed in my pants. like man, it's a really nice phone! 3.2-inch tft-lcd screen, hvga resolution, 5-megapixel camera with autofocus, microSD card expansion, g-sensor, and waaaaayyyyy more. i'm in love.. at first it was the palm pre, and now this. this. is. sex. pure, unadultered sex. lmao, i've found my new lust object.. but yeah, i'm going to get this. after i move and we get settled, it's going to be in my man bag. haha..

but today is shaping up to be one of both daedality and awesomeness; i'm gonna see transformers II later, and i'm going to bick kack with my uncle and cousin. i think i'm going to have a lot of fun today, hopefully... but i'll update later, as soon as i steal my uncle's netbook lol. as long as he has it.. but peace out, my pink negros!

huh .. this is the fiasco i've been waiting for ?

so, i was on a fellow blogger's blog and saw this. they stated that it was lupe fiasco, and i didn't believe it. so i looked it up myself, and found out... it was! this video is some true weirdness, but you must listen to understand it. trust me; it sounds like he's repeating stupid shxt over and over again, but if you listen hard enough you'll understand what he's talking about. anyway, here's the vid..



Lupe Fiasco - Japanese Cartoon Army

live from slauson ..

so, cheikh happens to be somewhat bored. he's sitting in slauson, listening to food and liquor by lupe fiasco, and he's on his uncle's laptop; it's a weird lap top too, like one those mini ones you see on tv, but he likes it.

ANYWHOO..

i'm kinda bored. selling ppl merchandise, and just relaxed i guess. but i was pissed for a second. here's the story.. oh, before we start i have something to say: beet is the lady who said the things and claims she's my aunt. i really don't think she is, but whatever. here we go..

i'm sitting down on the chair, and go to get up. my pants are sagging a little and, before i can even pull them up, beet comes at me a little something like this..

beet: you need to pull up your pants
cheikh: my pants are up; i don't know what you're talking about *sarcasm*
beet: no you need to pull your pants up; and why are they so tight?
cheikh: wtf? my pants are just fine and i'm not even sagging *much sarcasm*

then my uncle jumped in! like wtf, team up on cheikh..

uncle: you need to pull those pants up; gay dudes look for that shxt.
cheikh: wtf?! so explain why i'm getting teamed up on.. you were the one complaining when i pulled them all the way up.. yeahhh, and now you wanna complain again..
uncle: lmfao! geez.. well gay guys look for those type of things; guys with sagging pants and skinny jeans and shit.
cheikh: but i'm not gay, so why worry about it? i could see if i was..
uncle: still make sure..
beet: you still need to pull up your pants..
cheikh: *thinking if she doesn't stfu..
uncle: lmao, you need to leave; you're embarassing him in front of these ppl.. but cheikh, just make sure you pull them up next time.
cheikh: alrighty then, i'll do that. no, wait. how about the next time i come here i come dressed in a 3x large shirt and some size 48 jeans. and i'll throw on some air forces..
uncle: haha, shut up. just don't wear your pants down..


and that's what happened. like TF? it may not sound serious but i took it as an insult, telling me i dress like what gay ppl favor.. i have nothing against gay ppl at all, and i actually have friends that are gay. and i'm very comfortable with my sexuality.. but to me, that was just dumb. was it even necessary? i don't think so.. i could care less what somebody thinks, but it was just ignorant for them to say that.. it's whatever tho; i'm still fly as fuck and killing all these other hypebeasts off. haha, not to sound full of myself. i just know i am.. and if you think differently, oh well. look on that side bar and read what i said about being comfortable with yourself, and you'll understand.. but i'll be back later, peaces bluhd!

OH! before i go..

i'm thinking about growing out my hair. lol i know i said that all freshman year, but i'm serious about it now.. gimme some feedback!

place me on your mantle ...

because i'd be the perfect mantle piece; i promise. lol, man. i love when i listen to classic music, and this spirit of happiness infects my body. i feel drunk off of jolliness right now, and it makes absolutely no sense. i loveeee it though; i feel so worry free and lovely. i have got to listen to stevie wonder more often; his music is so soulful. i feel like he speaks directly to me, and he gives me hope of not being a hopeless romantic anymore. lol, he really does. and whitney houston... sheesh. i wish she would've never started smoking crack, because she would've still been up there. but i think i'm going to let toni braxton sing me to sleep; for some reason my best friend complains she sounds like a man, but i beg to differ. she has a beautiful voice IMHO, and she talks about some really spine-tingling things that i can relate to. and her music is alluring all the same. anyway, i just wanted to post and tell you guys

GOOD NIGHT!!

and i love you all. have a great night's rest, and i'll post tomorrow. byeeeeeee!

& he's a bad b eye t c h?

haha, i think he might just be. better than that white dude dancing to single ladies, IMO. still, that doesn't make up for the fact that he's moving like that. i should get my ass up, and throw on some naughty girl or sweet dreams and record it. that'd be some epic shit!

& it's pretty damn self-explanatory ...

i'm going to let you guys decide what to think of this. because i, for one, couldn't help but to want to sit on a street corner and cry. i'm kidding, but like i said watch it and decide.

white noise music ..

i am going to write some more spoken word. this is a new poem i've started; i'm nowhere near done with it. but i wanted to share.. so hear we go.

Beautiful Misery
and she told me to hold her tight,
and never loosen my grip.
not if the stars slowly slipped towards earth
and the sky became a charcoal, dingy black.
she asked me to be her tutelary,
and to never let the pernicious ruffians touch her ebony melanin.
she made me promise to never leave her side,
and to forever keep a death grasp on her heart.
i made the promise.. and never let it go.

anyway, gimme some feedback and tell me if you like it.

IN OTHER NEWS...

i decided that rap music is my least favorite genre. i pretty much only listen to underground hip hop, because the main stream has made me fear for it's life. so, instead, how about a few classics? i could use some..



Whitney Houston - Saving All My Love


Stevie Wonder - Overjoyed


Mozart - The 42nd Symphony

only God can judge me ..

& i hear ppl say this all of the time; that's totally acceptible, because there is a such thing as freedom of speech. but i don't think that they really think about what they're saying when they say it.

personally, i believe and speak differently. ppl can judge you, and will continue to even after you die. they'll start rumors, talk about you behind your back, and go out of their way to leave you in distress. but i do believe that God is the only one that can admonish you, and put that judgement into effect. why let others reprimand you, based on what they think they know. i don't believe in that.. i allow ppl to judge me and pre-contemn me, because i'd love to blow their expectations of me out of the water. i don't worry, because i know i'm much more than the box that ppl sometimes find it necessary to put others in to. i myself can prejudge sometimes, even if i try not to do so; i'm beginning to think it's human nature. but when i do i can truly be wrong about what i thought.. so again, i try my hardest not to let a first impression or somebody's look impact how i think of them. ultimately, life is too short and already filled with enough agony to let ONE person's opinion affect your step. so i'll continue to keep it pushing, and let ignorance define shallowness. because i'm not your typical individual, and much more than the modern teenager. at least, that's what that unfamiliar voice in my head keeps screaming.. ")

mary jane ...

WOW. today was the definition of interesting. all day, we didn't do anything besides laugh and get paid..GANGSTA STYLE. lmao! i'm kidding. but we did get paid, and we did go to...



that's right beet, we went to hollywood. well, more so fairfax and melrose. and i didn't see anything special about it.. i haven't been for like effing five years, and ppl kept telling me hollywood changed a lot..i hear ppl talk about how they stay on melrose and fairfax ave. and how it's SO amazing. but all i saw was expensive shoes in sub par stores, and dirty street corners. so, would anyone mind explaining to me what is SO damn different between hollywood and downtown la?

IS IT THE STARS? OMG THE FRIGGIN' STARS!




or perhaps the OUTRAGEOUS PRICES FOR LESS THAN LUXURY ACCESSORIES?!



geez ppl, calm down. i don't see the differentiation.. so somebody please point it out. i mean i'm not gonna lie; i'm a humungous sneaker head, and anyone who knows me should know that. so i was in heaven when i walked into flightclub. but all jokes and hurtful words aside, i liked it. it was funny as HELL, and their were some nice things in the stores me and my cuzz went to. i would've cashed out if i would've had some more gouda on me.. but hey, we don't win 'em all. and my uncle GAVE ME a blackberry storm. i was so happy; my day was just great. and that pizza was pretty good too; not the best, but tasty all the same. i wish i had my camera tho! geez, it's dead and the charger is in storage. WTF!? lol that makes no sense.. but life goes on, so i'm not gonna sit her and complain about it.and the funniest thing that happened would definitely have to be on the way home. so here's the story...

me and my cousin idy are on the 217, on the way home. we sit by this unsuspicious looking guy, and we're both quiet. about 30 seconds into the bus ride we notice the guy is eating bacon, and squirting ketchup packets into his mouth. idy made this weird ass face, and i almost laughed. then the guy eating the bacon was throwing all the ketchup packets on the floor, and making aggressive mmm mmm mmm sounds. it was SOOOO hilarious, and i tried my hardest not to laugh because i knew something was wrong with him. and idy is sitting here trying not to laugh and, in the process, is making me laugh. and then this late-twenties/early-thirties guy sitting next to me is laughing his ass off too! geez, the situation came outta nowhere. as soon as we got off of the bus, me and idy started rofl. it may not sound funny, but it was so funny. then this mexican guy fell outta the bus, and i thought he was drunk. and this guy behind me and idy started laughing, and me and idy laughed. it was mean, i admit, but it was so funny. man, today was absolutely great..

anyway, i'm getting tired of typing and i need to go turn on my new phone (!) so i'll update tomorrow. love ya lots guys! and really, thanx for visiting the blog. your support will only further help with the maturity of it. so visit everyday! butttt...

GOOD NIGHT; SWEET DREAMS!!

fork in the roadd ...

and, like the title suggests, i've reached a point in my life that's like a fork in the road. it's crazy, because i've been here for a while and didn't realize it. but it seems like the road is split into way more than two ways. more like seven, or seventeen. and all of the decisions i could possibly make are shrouded in mystery. i don't know how else to explain it, it's kinda weird. but the conclusion (and answer) that i've come to is to let life hit me as it is. i can't worry myself over something that is going to fix itself. the whole moving situation: gonna fix itself. leaving my friends: gonna fix itself. ppl's constant whining: now that's one thing that wont; i'm gonna fix that lol. shxt, it's my way or the highway. but as of now, life is acceptable. another thing i noticed with myself: i always get into these sadity ass moods, and then lose them within a couple of days. haha, cheikh has got some mental issues. but that's why y'all love him! anyway, today was a pretty good day. went to the park; boarded and played bball - which i happen to be getting better at! i'm so proud of myself.. haha. before when i used to play, i used to look like steve urkel. and now i'm balling nxggas up like kobe!!!!!! oooooooo, lmao i'm totally kidding. but i am getting better. and i'm completely in love with those takis chips! whooooooo baby those are spicy sex! lol i'm not playing! but i talked to my dad today, and got [almost] everything settled. we shall see what happens tomorrow. and plus, i'm watching hollow man right now! that's the movie.. i'll try to update tomorrow guys! i love you all, and thanx for reading..

good night, sweet dreams!

P.S.

this turned out pretty long yo! geez, i never would've thought.. well, i guess that's what happpens when you speak from the heart.. and your pee pee. lmao i'm kidding..

FML?

it's weird how you can ask for something and, when you finally get it, you're not ready for it. that's the exact situation i'm in right now. i said i wanna move to la, and when my dad says we're moving to FXCKING LOS ANGELES(!), i'm not ready. it's weird, i know, but i can't help it. it's like everything i built up in dry ass lancaster is going to waste. and although i hated that city, i loved it with all my heart. i bitched, i complained and now i'm not ready to leave yet. as of now, i'm not really talking to my dad or stepmom. it's for specific reasons, trust me it is. and i'm contemplating whether or not to say fml, but idk. it's like i'm feeling every emotion possible right now, that's what i think. i hate it, but i love it. and in my head i'm like TF? lol, it's a weird ass situation. and lately i've been thinking about wanting to crawl into a small room with an ipod - filled with random ass slow songs and abstract music - and zone out. and a fridge, so i'd be set. and a mini treadmill, and a mattress, and a zebr... never mind. and then i wanna...




whoaaaa! WTF? is that sweat, or pee? omg, or maybe something worse... i swear there is some weirdness in this world.. i don't know. but yo! i'm done for the night; check back tomorrow. i might update in thee am, but it depends on if i'm busy or not.

good night folks; sweet dreams!

& why does this feel like it's happened before?

so lately i've been feeling like a complete failure in life. i can't help the feeling; every single time i do something i get a weird ass look, or a smirk, or i'm scoffed at. ppl on this earth never cease to NOT live up to my expectations. i got into an argument with my cousin today; i apologized to him and we settled everything, but for some reason i feel guilty beyond all measure. i don't even know.. man, sucks to the way my life is going right now. i don't even know what to say about it, but whatever. i feel like i'm incapable of doing anything at all. every time i try to sit down and write poetry, my mind is way too crowded with extra thoughts. my singing voice is being affected too. i wanna just go to a dark place, and sit by myself for a little while. just me, the dark, some quiet and an ipod filled up with random slow songs. i think that is the two day vacation i really need; a day away from the world. and it would be really complete with fridge full of snacks. (sigh) this is something else, i swear it is. i'm just not happy; maybe i'm making myself this way. i don't know. well, that's it. i'm wordless, and i'm getting tired. plus my head hurts, so i'm going to end this saying: i want this camera. just retro enough for cheikh's taste..

Thinking of my readers ..

so, i just so happen to love this lady and her music. call me a fan, a fanatic, obsessed, I DO NOT CARE. as long as i get to listen to her music, i'm content. this song is called wanderlust, and it's by the wonderful bjork. listen and let the eargasms take advantage of you..

Waking up to crunchy noises ..

so, about this morning. this morning has been somewhat of an utter fail, in every sense of the phrase. i woke up around six thirty-five, because my big cousin was eating this crunchy ass bread and i couldn't stand the sound. so i'm laying here on the couch, like i've been doing for the past TWO friggin' weeks, and i'm not sleeping. she's sitting here chomping on this crunchy ass bread, like it's the thing to do! so i wait until she leaves, and try to fall back asleep. then my little cousin, who just so happens to have the same effing name as me, came in here and turned the tv on FULL BLAST while me and my bro are trying to get some shut eye. i almost bashed his damn head into that television screen, lmao. it was NOT crucial, not at all. but he left for school, and by the time i could finally get some rest i was wide awake! gahhhh, and now i'm sitting here waiting to take a shower and go to slauson. LA has truly been a frickin' journey; a place full of weirdies and ppl getting their asses whooped on residential corners. yet i love this city, for some odd reason, and i actually wanna move out here. oh well, i shall see how the rest of the break goes. and now i'm hungry; how do mini wheats sound? yeah, i didn't think so.. haha. i'll update later, but for now: peace out nxgggguuhhzzz!

Relieved, and eating Egg Rolls ...

so i finally found out how to work this blog (kinda). this thing it actually confusing! even for a semi-computer geek like me. gawsh, i actually learned something today LOL. but i'm glad i did this, i can really see myself on this blog every single day, talking about some random shit. haha, but i'm really loving this. maybe in time the aww will wear off but, for right now, it's pretty cool. so i'm just trying to decide whether or not to end this with a pic. maybe i should put something random, like a pic of my booty cheeks. ahaa, i'm kidding. don't wanna get flagged, so i'll put something without the advisory up. oh! i know what i'll put up! a pic of me and carrie at frightfest last year. oh, the memories :D

Fxck. This. Blog!!!!!

so this is my first blog, and i'm so damn confused. i'm sitting here trying to figure out how to add a picture above my about me part, and this is not a pleasant experience. grrrrr... lol but man i'm bored. it's my cousin's b-day and i'm kinda wishing it was mine. at least he's not acting all sadity.. but still! i'm mad; and i need to learn html coding like [WHOA]. no joke, just wishing this shxt came more natural. ahaa.. well i'm going back to editing this effing blog, so i'll end it with a pic from school. gawsh i miss these guys..