you know it's weird how i swore an oath to update my blog everyday, yet i haven't been doing what i said i'd do. i think lately i've been feeling more obligated to finding myself ... i mean i've been feeling so lost and out of it lately. i think it's an identity crisis, but that's soemthing i want to resort to last. i've had an identity crisis before and it's not fun. it hurts, A LOT. but lately my poetry hasn't been really coming like it does, and i'm not feeling that creative push. i feel as though i've been thrown into some sort of demonic limbo, where nothing comes natural or creatively true anymore. i don't feel like a mainstream whore or anything, but i simply don't feel like cheikh anymore ... i want to blame it on my living situation (having just moved), but i don't think i can. i want to blame it on my dad, but he's not doing anything wrong. maybe i should blame it on my stepmom.. but then again, she's not really a topic of particular interest in my life. perhaps i should just blame it on myself, for trying not to own up to what i'm in. i don't think i got myself here, but i think i had something to do with the sudden loss of misunderstanding. but ... i think i'm going to just keep it pushing, and try to make the best of what i have. i've moved to a different city, i have a new life and new opportunities :) i guess i'll just have to get over it, and retain what's not necessarily lost but in hiding. i believe there's a reason behind the sudden change, and i'm almost sure i what it is ... but hey, i'm writing a book. and i'm going to get it published, so i'm pretty psyched (yay!). i'm at slauson right now, and i'm about ready to go home and sleep. for the last few nights i haven't got enough adequate sleep. and it's starting to affect my daytime awareness - slow ass reflexes, compulsive yawning lol. but i'm finished for right now; i'm going to write some more of my book. it's a very interesting part; and make sure when it comes out - likely sometime at the end of this year or the beginning of next year - you buy it! please, your support will mean everything to me :D bye guys!!
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