smile:]
i'm sitting here in my room, and i'm waiting for my BEAR to give me the okay to call. it's about 12:59 and i'm listening to be still my beating heart. i'm feeling ... relaxed, which is odd because i always have something on my mind. but i'm just thinking, and the music is making me feel dreamy. anyway, there's only one problem i have as of late. it's basically figuring out where i stand with my best friend; and when i say where i stand, i talking about in our relationship.
it seems like there's always some force in between us. i often find myself not wanting to talk to him/her, and debating whether or not to pick up his/her calls. it makes me a little angry, because i feel that it's not fair to treat them like that. but i think about it, and i don't really think i'm doing anything wrong to them; i mean, i'm a great friend, i help them out all the time, and i love them. but i just don't want to talk to them on the phone; now is that wrong? i don't think it is ... and i'm not going to lie to myself, just to attempt to make them feel good; heck no. but i just look at it as it might be a little scandalous to feel that, even if those are my feelings. it's hard to explain, because it makes perfect sense in my head. but when i go to put those thoughts and emotions into words, it comes out as gibberish. i'm looking at what i'm typing right now, and all i see is a jumbled heap of foreign symbols. maybe it truly conveys what i feel, or perhaps it doesn't. i'm going to count on it though, because it seems pretty legitimate and true to how i feel inside. i've prayed about it, and i'm persevering through to make sense of the situation. i trust that god will bring me an answer; so i'm just going to think about it, and continue to investigate why this is happening. but it's about that time (kalique, i'm stealing your words buddy) and i'm pretty sleepy. so to all my creeps who read blogs this late, sleep tight and i love you. i hope all your dreams are sweet and deliciously cavity-inducing.
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